This topic contains 6 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 3 years, 5 months ago.
So I have had a best friend of over 8 years, now 3 of those years we were in a romantic relationship. It ended 2 years ago but we officially stopped acting like a couple last year. We continued to be friends but the only thing was, was that I was still inlove while my best friend fell out of love. Ever since we first met, there has only been a few days where we have not hung out with one another. Other than that we used to hang out everyday no matter what. Well finally my ex transferred to a 4 year from a community college and thats when everything changed. Our friendship is not how it used to be. We are so distant from each other it hurts. My ex is now seeing someone else which now makes the pain i feel even worse. We are trying so hard to keep our friendship going strong, but it is as if our friendship is hanging on a single piece of string. Half of me feels I need to let go and move on and the other half doesn’t want to. I don’t remember what it was like without my best friend. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to feel this way anymore it hurts way too much. :/
Let it go. If you don’t you’re going to make yourself feel even more miserable than you already are. *nods*
Hi! I’m so sorry to hear your going through such pain, i can only imagine what its like. If i were you, i would tell him how your feeling, if your best friends then that shouldn’t cause to much trouble. I would never feel the need to end a friendship with something because of distance or their relationship with someone else, you should try distance yourself from him for a while, but not to the point where he thinks you don’t want to know him anymore, Remeber if he is trying to keep your friendship going aswell, it means he cares! But you do need to move on, find another nice guy who treats you right and who your comfortable and happy with, But never lose your friendship with this guy, he seems special.
Hope it all works out!
Im sorry to hear that your having such a rough time moving on. But things will get better.. I know that sounds real cliche but its the God’s honest truth. I have an ex who wanted to remain friends and we did for a while and then finally I had to call it quits. It was too much of an emotional toll on me. I couldnt stand the sight of him being around other girls and talking to them so finally I had to tell him it was best to just be one our way. This just boils down to what you know best about yourself. If its causing you to much to watch him date other people then maybe its time for you to move on and find someone else and allow them to make you happy. Only you know you best. I hope you do whats best for you and find happiness again :).
That’s unfortunate but should remember that life moves on and you should be settled one day
I’m from the camp of people who prize friendship very highly, and as such wouldn’t throw in the towel if I was in this situation. My ex and I were best friends for almost a year before we started dating, and the relationship only lasted three months because in the end we both had to admit that we just weren’t right as a couple. We were great friends and enjoyed each other’s company without hesitation (and the…ahem…adult interactions were great), but he just couldn’t get into the habit of being my boyfriend – he had dated a lot of girls before me, where as he was my first real boyfriend. We stayed really close after we broke up, and I found a new guy and started dating him around two months later (still dating him too, four years later!), and my ex started dating my other best friend shortly after. I was happy for them (pretty furious they didn’t tell me for almost a month, even when they both knew I’d been shouting from the sidelines for FOREVER that they should get together haha), and it went fine until she stopped being cool with how his and my friendship worked. We’re both pretty…flirty people so we’d have conversations that in a normal friendship would be weird, but for us was normal. Long story short, for three years while they were dating he wasn’t allowed to speak to me because she told him that she didn’t want him to, and he loved her and agreed, for the most part. Since they’ve broken up, I’ve grown and realised while I love him more than anything, I mean a lot less to him, and that’s just the way it is. I know I’m special to him, and he knows what he means to me, and our friendship has moved to being one that is more laidback. We don’t chat all the time, and maybe at most catch up once a month. But I do know if I ever had anything go really wrong and really needed him, he’d be there for me in a heartbeat. And sure, I still feel a lot more for him than I should, and when he wasn’t allowed to talk to me it broke my heart, but its the kinda thing where if you’re good enough friends, you’ll get through it.
On the same line of things, I’ve got a current friend who I have a really major crush on (never going to act on it, as I’m in a brilliant relationship which is going to last ages), and I talked to him about it, and he’s completely cool with it. We’ve never dated, but he’s like me a lot, so we hang out and play xbox, and often just strip off and jump in his pool. He was a tad stunned when I eventually admitted it, and was flattered, and admitted that he did like me as more than just a friend. But he and I are both in long term relationships, and its one of those things which you just have to live with – his and my friendship hasn’t changed at all, and it makes everything a lot easier to be honest.
I’d say, talk to your friend. See what he thinks – a friendship has two players, so you both need to know what is going on. Believe me, suddenly having someone stop talking to you and hanging out with you for no reason sucks. You can always tone down your friendship slowly, so it isn’t a sudden break, which will hurt a lot less. Get out, meet new people – I met the friend from the latter story when I was really hurt over my ex not being allowed to talk to me, and it really helped finding another person who I got on just as well with, and who I could be close to, without it being ‘dangerous’ as it were – someone who if I was really feeling down I could go over and see, and just cuddle on the couch with and watch TV, without worrying that it would fall apart.
*hugs* I’m sorry you’re hurting, but chin up – if someone is meant to be in your life, the universe will let it be.
Darlin’, once you move him from a longstanding “friend” pool to the “lover” pool, you almost never can put him back in the friend pool. And frankly, you don’t sound like you want him as a friend–you want your lover back (along with your current great romance?)? Eight years is a good run. He’s with someone else. He’s going to a four year college. Not sure if that’s out of town. I bet his new girllfriend isn’t too keen on your wanting to hang out everyday. Guess whose voice counts more now to him?? Hers. Let him go. It’s easier said than done, I should know… But be a friend to yourself and back away from ec-lover and give more attention to current lover. Just sayin.
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