Inscrutable Man Friend?

[Madeira DarlingGeek]

So I have this guy in my life. We met originally when he was still with his ex girlfriend, then again at a concert and ended up making out all night, we were both drunk (but not going home together) we now talk every day. Initially I expressed some interest in him and he said that he just wasn’t ready for anything two months after breaking up with his long term ex (fair enough) but we still talk every day, often about relationships, and he acts seemingly kind of flirty with me.

He’s sweet, and cute, and nonjudgmental and many things I would like in a partner. He tells me he finds me attractive and we’ve arranged to hang out in the near future, does this mean he likes me? If we’re drinking (which we will be) we’ll probably end up making out again (and if we’re at my place, probably having… er relations) What does this mean?

God, this shouldn’t be this hard, I’m not in highschool anymore… I’ve just completely forgotten how normal vanilla heterosexual flirting works.

[AroModerator]

*chuckles* Vanilla *chuckles*

The obvious solution, ask him.

[AroModerator]

Sorry, not really sleeping lately and it’s just dawned on me how rude that may have sounded *facepalm*

I simply meant, the simplest solution is to just ask him. He could have changed his mind since the last discussion, or he could simply not see such things as meaning anything of any real significance, only real way to know is to ask. Even if the truth isn’t on his lips, it’s always in their eyes.

[fstnfncyndnGeek]

I think he does like you. The biggest clue, besides him saying that he does find you attractive, and that you’ve messed around with each other, is that he is still talking to you everyday. He may just not be ready for a relationship now, due to the last one. Best thing to do now, since as you said, you’re not in HS anymore, as adults communicating (which is usually lacking in HS relationships) is talk to him. Tell him you would like to be with him, and if you’re willing to wait until he is ready, and see how he feels about a possible relationship sometime in the future.

It’s best to deal with it this way because, 1.) you could talk to him and find out that he doesn’t want any type of relationship with you – and you’ll probably be heartbroken, but then you’ll be able to keep your doors open for other opportunities with other love(s), 2.) you could talk to him and find out that he does want a relationship with you – if it’s later, then you can figure out how long you’re willing to wait, and if it’s sooner rather than later, than you can start sooner; or 3.) waiting to not say anything – which then would just prolong the outcome of 1 or 2.

I hope that made sense and more importantly helps. I almost feel like I needed a connection chart to help map out the options. If you needed, I would make you one!

[Madeira DarlingGeek]

Yeah, I do think he likes me, he also indicated a willingness to cuddle and share my bed recently, so I’m fairly sure he likes me. He’s not the most assertive guy and I know that his ex girlfriend made him feel emasculated (he’s physically fairly petite and androgynous looking in an attractive way) my major worry is that my experience and tendency to be fairly sexually aggressive when I want someone will scare him.

Thanks for all your advice.

[civicbabe627Moderator]

He obviously likes you. Some men are just not willing to put themselves out there – especially after just getting out of a relationship. He needs time to sit back and figure out what he wants in his life.

Like the other girls have said, the best thing to do is to just be open and honest with him. Don’t beat around the bush, but don’t be overly aggressive. Just let him know that you have feelings for him, and that he has a lot of qualities that you look for in a partner. Then it’s up to him to decide how he feels. Just continue to be there for him – obviously since you two talk a lot that is a really good thing!

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